Americans Are Idiots #23

9/27/2019 BATAVIA TOWNSHIP, Ohio —

By WLW Digital Staff

Aircare was dispatched to East Fork State Park in Clermont County for a woman injured on a bike path on Friday night. Emergency responders were called to the scene just after 7:30 p.m.

Clermont County dispatch said a tree had fallen on the woman. The incident happened on the bike path around 3,000 feet from the Matt Maupin Pavilion.

Officials have not released the woman’s condition.


September 28, 2019 at 11:42 AM EDT – Updated September 28 at 1:39 PM

ESTES PARK, Colo. (AP/Gray News) — Wildlife officials in Colorado are warning people to keep their distance from elk during their mating season after a bull charged people, knocked a woman down and repeatedly butted her with its antlers.

Video shows the elk running toward people Thursday near the visitor center in Estes Park near Rocky Mountain National Park.

The attack came during the community’s annual Elk Fest.

The woman escaped after public works employee Brian Berg drove a pickup on the sidewalk and got between her and the elk. The elk then rammed the

front of the truck.

                                    * * * * *

    And stay out of the park.   

A woman wanders through the woods of a state park outside of Cincinnati. The day is sunny, hot and no breeze. A tree, for whatever reason, falls and conchs the lady on the head – knocks her cold. A short time later another hiker comes by, sees the unfortunate woman and calls EMS. It is an internet news story. There was no follow-up; presumably the woman lived.
Why would anyone tromp through the woods anyway? A tree got her but there are a dozen ways to die in the wild. Bears. There are bears in southwest Ohio. They generally don’t molest humans unless they’re hunger. In the fall, they are always hungry. Getting hit by a tree is probably better than being eaten by a bear.
Rattlesnakes? Ohio has ’em all over the place. Not like Texas but like Ohio. If you step on one, they will bite you just like the ones in Texas.
There are coyotes too. They travel in packs and usually attack sheep and small children. But if you out on a trail when a pack traipse by, expect them to give you a good looking over. Expect more if you are trapped under a tree.
There are a lot of deer there too. Deer with big antlers that look pretty much like elk. You can see where this is going.
Switch across the country. Colorado, another park, outside of Denver.

See the pretty animals.

This time it’s elk who show up for a town’s Elk Festival. It is a tribute to the Elk Festival organizers that the elk, who typically ignore the Georgian calendar, dropped in for the weekend’s gala, which, naturally was during rutting season.

American Idiot #23.
If humans show up at an elk event, the results are predictable: an elk gores the first person it sees, then gets into a fight with a Ford 150. So much for a peaceful day the foothills of the Rockies.
Lyle Lovett once said to a tipsy George Bush twenty-five years, “Schrub, you bring elk to a stag party, but you’re gonna get a horn up your ass.”
Or tree upside your head. Nothing has changed.
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