Another week and another missile test by North Korean. Then came the obligatory UN vote for new sanctions, threats to fire bomb a million US cities from Kim Jong Un, followed by Trump vowing to sizzle the Korean peninsula. How does this all end?
Shit. Lots Of Korean Shit.
Badly. Kim Jong Un is crazy. Donald Trump is crazier. They both give every indication they have an IQ of an idiot but like all idiots, they each think they are the smartest people on earth. Kim will launch a missile at LA as soon as he gets one he thinks will actually reach there. Trump will try to shoot it down which might or might not work but in any event he will unleash a bunch of nukes on Pyongyang reducing it and most of Seoul to rubble. Trump might just nuke North Korea for the hell of it. He is ditsy enough. Plus his ratings could use a war.
There is another way, a diplomatic way, to defuse the whole thing. It is a tribute to the endless stupidity of American leadership that they think they can threaten their way out of this. Every time US turns the screw a little tighter, Kim just blows a fart in its face and chows down more beans. Have we learned nothing in the last 10 years about the fat little Great Leader of barren earth and rocky mountains? He has nothing to lose. Literally. There is nothing there. Why on earth does anyone believe threats would have any effect.
We should listen to the Chinese. According to Wang Yi, China’s Foreign Minister, all Kim Jong Un wants is for the United States to acknowledge him – not as an idiot but as a leader. And not as a leader of a piss ant worthless piece of rock but the leader of a powerful fecund country. He wants to hear lies.
Now that should be easy. Who is the other stupid person who lives to hear lies? You got it: the Trumpster.
You would think the Rex Tillerson would figure it out pretty fast. Tillerson, who CEO’ed Exxon, should know how to motivate people and negotiate deals. It’s simple – each side needs to end up thinking they got the better of the other.
How does it work? You have two very stupid leaders so you start by telling them how smart they are. Each is the smartest living person on earth. You also tell them the other is dumber than dog shit but doesn’t know it. Lay it on thick.
They both are stuck up on the size of their cocks. So you tell Kim that Trumps dick is the length of his pinky and as thick as an earth worm – just look at his itty bitty hands. Show Trump some pictures of Kim squatting down to take a piss (easy Photoshop job). The little shithead can’t even find his dick.
The Two Smartest People On Earth Enjoying A Black Moment.
At this point, you tell them each the con.
Kim Song Un and the Golden Key: Kim takes all of his missiles and moves them under a different mountain. Then be puts a great big lock on door of the mountain they used to be in and offers to give Trump the key to it. It is a key made from gold. Trump can go in anytime to see that it is empty.
Donald Trump’s Really Great Golf Outing: Trump is coached to tell Kim that if the nukes are removed, he will welcome him to Mar-a-Lago as really great leader of a really great country. Plus they can talk trash together and play golf with Tiger Woods. Kim and even bring his boy Rodman along.
The Two Smartest People On Earth Enjoying A Korean Gymnastic Moment.
Tillerson gets the Chinese to deliver Trump’s deal to Kim; Rodman meets with Trump to lure him with the golden key. Done.
But it doesn’t stop there. This is where Rex pulls that Exxon magic of calling climate change the hoax of two scientists in Finland. While Kim is down in Florida, he will be whisked off on a side trip to Disney World. The man goes nuts. Then they give him an iPhone as a souvenir. He flips out.
Back in Pyongyang, Kim will discover pretty quickly that the iPhone works for shit with North Korea’s lone cell tower. So Kim invites his new American friends to build him a cell network and sell his lackeys some phones. Apple loves the idea of slave labor and moves one its fabrication plants from China to Hamhung, a bustling city of a million people a 100 miles north of the DMZ. Suddenly, Kim Song Un is vested in America.
What’s Trump got? A large shiny gold key. He also has a new little friend who has a season pass to Disney World and a private cottage in Tiger Woods estate a couple miles down the coast from Ma-a-Lago.
With the Americanization of Kim Song Un, Tillerson repays a little of his debt to the parts of the ocean he has killed. Magic Kingdom fanatics don’t nuke Mickey Mouse. Donald Trump goes to North Korean twice a year to make sure that his big golden key still opens the door to an empty room. While he is there, he might as well take in a little soiree with the North Korean woman’s gymnastic team. Such little women spinning around for a big man with big key and a big man thing.
You Really Can’t Make This Stuff Up. Rodman Giving Trump Books To The North Korean Gymnastic Coach.