An IQ Test For Dummies

So what’s your IQ? You were probably tested in the sixth grade and maybe they told you your score or maybe just your parents or maybe they just wrote it down in your school record and passed it around from teach to teacher year after year periodically making jokes about it over a cup a coffee. If you are black and over forty, your score was meaningless anyhow, but for the teachers, you were ‘just like the other ones.’

Now there is the internet. You can find at least a dozen sites offering ‘free’ IQ tests. Of course nothing is really free on the internet – they want your email address or know your preferences between a half a dozen fast food restaurants or will try to sell you something between questions.

The questions –well the questions are all number or shape questions – figure out the next number in a Fibonacci sequence or the missing geometric shape in a tic-tack-to square. Boring. You have to think too. Plus you have to take two or three of them because they all give you a different score.

So we are offering a truly free alternative that is easy to take. Simply answer a few questions about your lifestyle and you will get an accurate insight to your IQ.

This is not a fine grain test. You won’t get an IQ score out of it. But you will see what side of the Wechsler curve you are on. If you want the actual number, you can spend a bunch of hours taking some of the internet ones. Then pick the score you like best. Our test takes five minutes. Most people find enough about their braininess to move on.

How does it work? It is easy. Start with the WAIS midpoint score of 100. Answer the 26 questions below adding or subtracting from that score.

There is one special trick to the scoring. Once the running total of your score is either 9 points above or below the midpoint (89 or 109), use only half the value of the answers for any additional questions. The theory here is that smart people will tend to keep repeating smart behaviors so we don’t want to make folks who are reasonably smart think they are fucking geniuses. Ditto for stupid.

We guarantee the score you get from this test will be within 5% of your true intelligence measure. You smarties might be vain enough to waste a day taking more tests to refine you score. Most of us are satisfied knowing we are in the average. Stupid people won’t believe their test results anyhow but their friends and spouses will have the satisfaction of know they were right all along.

So here you go:

 

Questions

Score

 

Less Than Smart Stuff

 
 

Owns a Chrysler/Dodge/Jeep/Hummer because they like them.

-1

 

Owns a Fiat because they like them.

-2

 

Convicted felon.

-2

 

Watches Fox News more than six hours a week.

-1

 

Typically drives in the left hand lane on multi-lane freeways.

-1

 

Clinically obese.

-1

 

2016 Presidential Election: Voted for Donald Trump/Jill Stein/Gary Johnson.

-1

 

2016 Presidential Election: Was eligible to vote in the election but did not.

-2

 

Did not graduate from high school.

-1

 

Married before the age of 20.

-1

 

Science Question: Does not ‘buy in’ to climate change or evolution or childhood vaccinations.

-2

 

The Sports Question: Played football at least 30% of the time for at least 60 quarters in high school and/or college.

-1

 

For every heart attack. (multiply score by number of heart attacks.)

-.5

     
 

More Than Dumb Stuff

 
 

Reads a non-politicized newspaper four or more times a week.

+1

 

Listens (not just background) to music at least seven hours a week.

+1

 

Plays chess/Go at least four times a month.

+1

 

Graduate from college.

+1

 

Invests in some form of real exercise at least four hours a week (bowling, dancing, fishing, hunting, etc. don’t count).

+1

 

Political Question: knows and can simply explain at least three of the five key elements of the Affordable Care Act.

+2

 

Has a membership to a zoo or museum.

+1

 

Does at least four crossword puzzles a week or plays scrabble at least three times a month.

+2

 

Has had an extramarital affair that lasted six months or more.

+1

 

As an adult, has vacationed (or worked or lived) in London, Paris or Rome.

+1

 

Primary car achieves at least 39mpg highway,

+1

 

The Sports Question: played basketball, tennis, soccer, or wrestled for at least two years in high school and/or college and in at least half of the games/events that were played.

+2

 

Can explain to an eight year old in words he/she can understand one of the following: (1) how quarks and gluons work, (2) Bicameralism government, (3) the major events that led to World War I.

+2

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